Life has so many twists and turns that we obviously spend a lifetime either trying to avoid or revving up our motors drifting through those turns like a dare-devil.  One might think that a full life includes a great family, a successful career and a host of fabulous friends that get together to watch sports games or go out to have a cocktail and a Kiki whenever the need hits.  However none of the above comes close to that lifelong search for true un-inhibiting  love in a world that seemingly is filled with hopeless singles afraid of commitments.  Singles that have been hurt, lied to and deceived but yet and still tangled up in the heartstrings of their ex’s who, through intimate and intricate soul ties, admit they are still in love with (or not).

So what happens when your love is wrapped up in an ex lover?  Is there ever the option of going back?  Should you remain friends or call it quits completely?  Can a real friendship ever really come out of a break up with someone that you vowed to love for the rest of your life?  Do the words we speak under Cupid’s spell become a curse that we are destined to live out post enchantment?

Let me tell you a story about a couple who spent 2 years of their lives pouring into each other only to have their relationship come crashing down after the eruption of lies, deceit, a love triangle and the inevitable downfall of a long distance relationship.  As you can imagine it all came to a repulsive and damaging head.  Well… I guess in a nutshell that WAS the story lol.  But it didn’t end there.  After their break up they spent the next 3 years slowly but surely rebuilding what they both agreed to have been (at the foundation) a truly meaningful friendship.  They knew (or felt like they did) that their bond was stronger than any break up.  That good, bad or indifferent they were and would continue to be twisted and tangled into the tapestry of each others lives for a very long time.  One dare even say, forever.

They continue to confide in one another.  They continue to trust that when push comes to shove one will be there for the other.  And in those lonely moments of desperation they are even able to rekindle those small embers of passion between them to ejaculate a few fantasies through imaginative and technological means.  But what happens when after a 5 year run you’re both STILL single, still hurt, still jaded and whether admittingly or not, still in love with the other?  So many questions with very little answers right?  Well here’s what I have to say about it all….

Loving your ex is like eating a decadent chocolate cake (or whatever sweet thing you enjoy chowing down on) that you know isn’t good for you, but you just HAVE to have a piece.  You feel its milky chocolate calling out to you.  You melt as the soft, moist bread of the cake dances like a million Alvin Ailey dancers in your mouth.  Creating a sense of satisfaction so strong that you’re willing to deal with the extra pounds that come along with the finishing of every bite.  You want to stop but you can’t.

You want NOT to love them but how do you pull out those pieces so attached to them?  How do you forget the memories that still make you smile?

At the end of the day I think the answer lies in an age-old secret that many explorers of love are STILL trying to find: Honesty.  Let’s face it most ex’s are ex’s because somewhere down the line one, if not both of you, wasn’t being honest about something.  You felt like you couldn’t trust them.  You felt that telling the entire truth would hurt more than if you’d simply lied to them.  And for some of us we simply lied to ourselves because the thought of being alone outweighed the thought of being with someone who could (and in some cases had) hurt us.  Honesty keeps us from falling for the fantasy.  It allows us to openly acknowledge who and what a person is for who and what they have shown us to be.  So you love your ex, big deal!  What are you going to do about it now?  You COULD go back…but do you go back with the same proverbial wool over your eyes?  Or do you go back honestly knowing what you’re getting into?  Which of course begs the question:

Am I willing and ready to deal with that?

I know that there are some of you reading this and saying,

HELL NO!!  There’s no going back!  Move on and find better!

But let’s be honest, that’s easier said than done.  I know most of us wish our hearts and minds could agree.  Often times they don’t.  They fight a battle between them that seems unbeatable.  You simply have to look at where you are, look at who you’re dealing with and MAKE A DECISION! 

Having your love wrapped up in a person that you claim to have gotten over usually means there are unresolved issues.  And until those issues are resolved moving forward isn’t really possible.  You might have to go back and experience a second round to see if either one of you have grown.  Or you might have to go another round simply to prove to yourself that, as stated above, they are an EX for a reason.  Either way you owe it to your inner explorer to find and utilize the treasure of Honesty so that you can find the gift known as True Happiness…

~Till next blog I’m Danyol Jaye and you’re On The Jaye Spot~

Photography by Chris Cross